I have always thought I am a bit of a low grade alcoholic. While I do enjoy the taste of wines and some spirits, my main reason for drinking is usually to get drunk. I am actively seeking an altered mind state. I have never had a problem with being compelled to drink during the week, or during the day etc, but I would categorise myself as being almost dependent on it to relax, definitely to ‘socialise’ (not that I really do that ever).
The other week I had a few drinks in the evening, and the next day absolutely lost the plot at the children. It was ugly, awful, horrible. Unforgivable, I had no control over my behaviour and I was abusive and damaging. It was unacceptable.
Therefore, I decided that alcohol is not a regular part of my life any more. I will not be buying wine at the local bottle-o. There might be the very rare special occasion where I drink wine with dinner, or for a wedding, but I will not let it affect my family.
Not to mention, there are calories and carbs in alcohol that I simply don’t need.
So no alcohol. Last weekend I was almost on edge from wanting it on Saturday night in particular. I wanted that buzz, that relaxation my brain doesn’t usually give me. But I plowed through. There are plenty of times even in the past year where I have gone several months without drinking. I just need to keep that up, and not fall back into the habit of drinking every Fri/Sat night.