Went to Coles and did about $230 worth of shopping for my meal plan. This included some basics like olive oil, as we ran out the other day. So annoying, I forgot the 16 slices of bacon required for my meal plan, so had to drop into the butcher on the way home anyway. If I knew I was going there I would have just bought all the meat there!

Never mind.

Today is Friday, so we are starting off with a home made granola plus plain coles brand coconut yoghurt for ‘brunch’, and then will have a chicken ‘enchilada’ salad for tea.

I have bought a variety of zero carb electrolyte drinks to try out, which probably also added to the cost of the shopping. Once we choose one I can buy a slab at costco or something.

But for now I am drinking my orange flavoured G active electrolyte water (eyeroll goes here). And will drink water the rest of the day. Had one instant coffee with a splash of milk in it earlier.

Did I post the meal plan already? Will post this and then check, maybe make a new post.

So I think my partner has agreed to the meal plan I worked out, which is good.

Everything was stuffed up with a hospital trip for a child during the week, and I am seriously struggling right now.

r/keto is what is keeping me in there with some hope. People, so many people, do this. I think that we might go straight into 16/8 intermittent fasting too. Just have to work our way into things for a couple of weeks. Food first, then timing.

It has to happen.

 

I cooked the keto meal ingredients I bought last night.

Mince, taco seasoning. Cooked in olive oil. Served with some grated vintage cheese, a $3 kaleslaw split between two of us and some sour cream.

I could have avoided cooking but I didn’t. All about the choices. I chose to cook and assemble for less than 10 minutes.

Is really make a list of the reasons why I am doing all of this. I need to have it in writing, tangible, get this amorphous dreaminess out of my head.

Motivational speakers will talk about the importance of visualising, and I need to know what it is that I am supposed to visualise if that makes sense.

The other thing is I need the input from my partner. If he gives none, I am going to go with just my meal plan and he can suck it up.

Tonight I am going to cook one of the food items on that list.

The other thing I need is a list, very approximate, of all the things I ‘should be’ doing each day. Perhaps I should put it into Habitica again so I can feel like I get something for ticking things off the list each day? It needs to have the real basics on it I think. If I ever put that together,  I will post it here.

On the positive side – I did a lot of reading. I made a meal plan with recipes and shopping list.

Might not sound like much, but I have been procrastinating this for years. Not exaggerating. I’ve presented my partner with three options and am waiting for his input.

I went shopping and picked up a few experimental goods.

Perhaps it was the meal planning pushing my buttons, but I was an ugly, mean parent this afternoon. I hated it. I really want to do better and not yell, not be mean. It is so hard being ignored and disrespected for 6 hours, but who can blame them? I’m horrible.

It was better when I had music on in the morning, but they co-opted the computer and it was downhill from there.

I suspect we will be shut in with illness yet again tomorrow.

But I will try again. They deserve me trying.

I need to make a GP appointment for more blood pressure medicine. I don’t wanna.

What I’m / we’re doing now doesn’t work.

Maybe by writing this down I can get some accountability happening.

Nearly everything needs to change.

Attitude, movement, the junk pit of a house we live in and most important food.

Recent events near me have upped the untenability of my life.

Someone losing their husband. Someone suddenly losing their precious six year old.

I am wasting my life and if I’m not careful I will end up wasting the children’s lives.

I yell too much, I don’t eat well, we live in barely better than filth.

I want to be different, but it’s not enough to want, I have to DO.

Next thing I need to do is start making a meal plan and shopping list. Needs to be SMART goal-y – measurable, achievable.

EASY I need easy steps but something drastic has to change.

I did start taking Wellbutrin (hard to get, had to lie to the doctor, long story) to support me through doing this, but it is on me.

Choose better things, choose not to keep living like crap.